Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike
Fri Apr 29, 2005 at 06:10:12 am EDT
Subject
The CSFB!/Epitome Team Up Continues
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The Title of This Story Has Nothing to Do With Hatman’s Roast




April Alice Apple and Dreamcatcher Foxglove walked the concourse hand in hand, getting an overview of what the Consumer Electronics Expo had to offer before doubling back to stop at the displays that had found interesting. At conventions such as these it was the best way to allocate time.

“OK, we definitely need to stop at the Capcom booth, but I think after we check out what Vivid’s got,” CSFB! chatted with enthusiasm. April nodded, then frowned slightly.

“Look at that,” she gestured over to a kiosk that advertised itself as the supplier of ‘Failsafe Spam Blockers.’ Hallie was engaged in a subdued conversation with the vendors, while at a significant distance Mr. Epitome stood awkwardly. Dream made a sour face.

“Man, Clancy should take the hint and just go already.”

“He’s our ride, Dream. And maybe he feels guilty about hurting Hallie’s feelings.”

“So? Wait- you think Hallie is upset over what he said?” the Wired Wonder stopped walking.

“Don’t you?”

“Well, yeah. She’s pissed at the crypto-fascist goon and his whole anti-synthetic rights stance, don’t you think?”

“I think,” April chose her words carefully, “that while she’s angry with Epitome’s stance on the subject, Hallie is a little hurt by it as well.”

“But she shouldn’t care what he thinks. Epitome is an amoral dillweed who I know can hear me because he’s also a nosy bastard with super-hearing and no respect for people’s privacy,” CSFB! glanced over to see if his dig produced a reaction, but to his surprise the Exemplary Man was missing, “Huh. Good riddance.”

“OK, but what if she does care?”

Dreamcatcher Foxglove pondered that for a moment, “I guess I should talk to her.”

“Now would be a good time,” April had noticed Dominic’s absence as well.

*****


Dana Palgrave had been a successful grifter who had operated along the East Coast until he ran a con on a mid level wise guy who watched over one of the Lynchpin’s gambling dens. Though the man was able to escape with his life it was not before the thug had managed to slice away a good portion of Dana’s face with a linoleum knife. The plastic surgeons were unable to reconnect the damaged muscle and tendons, forcing Dana to adopt a permanently placid (and some might say inscrutable) demeanor.

That’s when Dana Palgrave went a little crazy.

No longer able to project the necessary array of emotions a good con man needs, Dana decided to enter the field of sociopathic super-villainy. Adopting the new name of Poker Face and choosing playing cards as a motif, Dana got his revenge against the man who had mutilated him and launched a successful enough career as a stick-up artist to gather a crew of like minded ner’-do-wells.

All of which were gathered in the Paradopolis Civic Center’s Mauve Room, looking over the contraption Dr. Carlin and his assistant had for sale.

“So how does it work?” Poker Face inquired as his caught the runaway BALD scientist in his unblinking gaze.

Mitch Carlin gave the man in the business suit made of playing cards a queasy grin, “Well, the two recipients put on the headpieces, like Dwight and I have done, and find a place to sit. The process leaves you a bit discombobulated at first. Then, you flip the switch, and presto chango, it’s done.”

“And your research has not uncovered any possible side effects?” Poker Face brushed a candy apple red forelock away from his perfectly smooth brow.

“None. It wouldn’t be up for bid if they were any hinks.”

“Good,” the criminal gestured to his men, who produced an arsenal of firearms from their jackets, “Wrap it up. We’ll take it.”

Mitch thumbed a button on the remote in his hand. Poker Face and his minions clutched at their heads in agony. They fell to the ground unconscious, at the mercy of the concealed psi-screamers installed in the Sandal Machine.

“Get their guns, Dwight.”

The young man complied carefully in an effort not to trip over the extension cord that kept him attached to his employer’s invention.

“Dumb ass,” Carlin muttered to the defeated Poker Face, “I’ve worked on enough villain support staffs to be prepared for a possible double cross.”

Just then a bolt of lightning arced through the room, striking both men and sending them crashing down to join their victims.

Googol Volt materialized and assumed corporal form.

Obviously, Dr. Carlin hadn’t been paying attention when the strategy of letting others do your dirty work came up.

*****


“Hey, Hals, can, uh, we talk?” CSFB! asked, a hint of trepidation in his voice.

Hallie turned away from the software kiosk and gave the Wired Wonder her full attention, “What’s up?”

“I just want to say that I’m sorry about what happened in the car earlier.

“Dream, Naked pictures are nothing new to me; I am constantly linked to the Internet, after all.”

“That’s not-“

“I think Hallie’s being facetious, sweetie,” April pointed out.

“Oh. OK, I’m glad to see you’re not so upset that you can’t make a joke out of things. I mean, the last thing I wanted was for you to feel bad.”

“What did you want?” Hallie asked.

“Well, I think that, it was just kind of important that you saw, you know, the true side of Epitome. The nasty, hidebound side. Before you got any more sucked in to whatever he has planned.”

“Are the batting cages really that awful?”

“What? No,” Dream shook his head, “Look, I like that you’re being a wise ass here. But with Epitome you have to be careful. He’s tried to fuck over the Lair Legion and its allies in the past, and I worry he might be trying the same with you.”

“Uh huh,” the holographic intelligence responded noncommittally.

“Yeah. People seem to forget all the shit he’s pulled. Invading Sybia under false pretenses. Trying to get spiffy recalled. Wanting to “cure” mutates.”

“I’m aware of those things.”

“I mean, he was going to drive a rebar through DK’s head, for crissake,” Dream continued with the litany of Epitome’s more anti-social actions against the team.

“Dream? I got it: you think Dominic is a manipulative, heartless drone for the Establishment. Message received,” Hallie replied with a grim smile.

“Uh, huh,” Chaos’s Champion nodded, but inwardly he wasn’t so sure…..

To Be Continued

Footnotes:

In his talk with Hallie, CSFB! references some of Mr. Epitome's previous actions that the Wired Wonder takes issue with. The "invading Sybia" storyline started way back around Mr. Epitome #3, but really got started around #7, when Epitome and Glory pretty much single handedly took over the North African country, over the Lair Legion's disapproval. The story ran through #13, since there were quite a few complications, the big one being Factor X's involvement.

From Mr. Epitome #14-19 we get the first CSFB!/Epitome team up, where the two and De Brown Streak work together to combat two different threats: the mutate rights terrorists called the Race Warriors and the neo-Nazi "superhero" the Aryan Ideal. Its in this storyline we hear about Epitome's desire to find a way to permenantly remove the powers of mutants, preferably before they are even born.

Epitome tried to have Mayor spiffy recalled (at the behest of the Lynchpin!) in stories Mr. Epitome #23-27. He seemed ready to pop the Dark Knights's skull around #25. Later, when the Fern Wielder gets put in charge of the corrupt Pacific Rim nation of Badripoor, Dominic works with the US government to try and usurp his position. I think that story runs from #35 to #38.

I really should have links to these, but you should get the gist: Dream's got plenty of reasons to distrust Mr. Epitome.












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